Thursday, September 27, 2012

KC's Pre-season Game Cancelled On Account Of Owners Being Tremendous Assholes

The NHL In Kansas City has obtained a copy of the announcement from the NHL:

"The NHL regretfully must cancel the remaining pre-season schedule due to the ongoing issue of our league managers and owners being tremendous assholes. We continue to be open to talks with the Players Association in hopes that they will cave to our incredible assholeness, but we remain committed to our insanely greedy demands that the players agree to roll back the money we already agreed to in existing contracts and tie their salaries to a lower fixed rate of our healthy revenue. We realize those demands are out of touch with reality and the fair market system most businesses are expected to work within, but, again, we are raging assholes.

To our fans in Kansas City, we appreciate your role as a leverage chip that helped the Penguins get a new arena as well as your surprising sell-out of last year's pre-season game, and we were looking forward to throwing you another bone with the Avalanche vs. Rangers match-up originally scheduled for October 6. Unfortunately, we are hot, steaming assholes."


Jeremy J said...

This is PRICELESS!!! Keep up the good work.

Professor Dingleberry said...

I am shocked and appalled by your use of certain vulgate terms in your article; namely "assholeness". I am just about certain that this term appears neither in generally recognized writing manuals nor in the Oxford English Dictionary. At Eton, Oxford and Cambridge the word used is "assholishness". [Harvard uses "wicked assholishness".] So I will deduct a mark for this. I will, however, add two marks for honesty in reporting. A-.

Flubber McGee said...

@Professor Dingleberry
No, "assholishness" works only because Gary Bettman is the world's largest chocolate starfish.

oh hai bert said...

haha, nice summary of the situation